19 October, 2011

the transfer

this morning we woke up like everything was normal. we had our breakfast. you whined a lot for milkies with alternating bouts of play. daddy was home with us because he took off from work, but to you that was probably nothing different. grandmom and grandpop came over and daddy and i left together. this is something we have only done i think four times now since you were born. once was for my birthday dinner when you were about seven weeks old (we were gone about 45 minutes). then we went to our friend's surprise birthday party (that was awesome. it was my first time being back on daddy's motorcycle since before you were conceived.) last week we went out to shop for your birthday gifts. and now today, so that your sibling(s) could be transferred back to me. to us.

i had an acupuncture treatment before and after. that is supposed to increase the success rates of ivf transfers by something like 75% or so. i forget. it's been almost three years since i checked into it. so we got there about 11 o'clock this morning. i was freezing in the room and i had to pee. i need to drink 16 ounces of water just beforehand and then hold it until the procedure was done. it wasn't the most relaxing acupuncture treatment i have had.

so the doc came in after the treatment and i was terrified i was going to pee on him. and i asked the nurse if that had ever happened. she said yes, which didn't make me feel better. actually, a no wouldn't have been what i wanted to hear, either. (no, i didn't pee. well, not on him, anyway. i peed in a bed pan right after the procedure because they want you laying down for twenty minutes and i was having another acupuncture treatment so there was no way in hell i could have held all of that for another half hour.)

but the news was that the first embryo did not survive the thaw. and i know it's just a bunch of cells, but it made me really sad to hear that. then after the sad feeling sunk in, i realized that meant we were putting two embryos back in. the other two had survived, and there was no way i was letting one die off and there was no way i was re-freezing one.

so we watched in the ultrasound screen as a tiny bubble entered my uterus. it was just like watching when you were transferred back to my body. it's amazing to know what that tiny bubble can become.

so here we are. i have two embryos in my uterus. floating around in there looking to attach to the uterine wall. i am meditating and visualizing and hoping. and i am asking all of my friends to do the same. we find out next friday whether you will have a sibling. and then sometime next month we find out whether you will have one or two. it's going to be a long wait. both times. but i am feeling positive and hopeful. and i know that in the end it all happens the way it's supposed to.


  1. i know it doesn't matter now, but "yes" was the better answer. if she said, "no," and if you whizzed on him, then you'd have felt like a total loser being the first one to pee on him.

  2. true. but the no made me really afraid i would do it.