feeling overwhelmed

uncle chris reminded me tonight that i have not written for a while. i have just been so busy. and lazy.

these are our days. in the morning you wake up (early usually). we play. we eat. we play. we get dressed and we go. we go to a friends house or a park or some kid-oriented activity. we have fun. we leave. you fall asleep in the car. i get you inside, nurse you back to sleep after the car transfer and sneak away. i throw in some laundry. straighten up the house (once in a great while i actually clean the house). eat some lunch. get on the computer and waste some time. go back in to nurse you when you wake, which is usually two or three times during your nap. i try to get motivated to get something done on the computer.

lately i have been realizing that i have a lot to do on the computer and i don't do any of it because i waste time.

what i should be doing is working on stuff for ICAN. i have to get the monthly reports done and file something for the IRS and really i am still super clueless about it all. i am also starting up a local attachment parenting chapter. it's a lot of work. i am still trying to work on my childbirth ed certification and i really would love to get this done sometime in the near future but it just doesn't seem to be happening. i have to write research papers. god i hate writing research papers. i love the topics and i love to read about it all. but to actually get my ass in gear to write the research papers...it's killing me. and then there is the doula training and the postpartum doula training. what was i thinking taking all of this on at once? i am teaching a class this weekend. planning. there is the big latch on, an event to celebrate breastfeeding. i am trying to organize that, too. and meredith, our super awesome midwife, is having a baby and i am in charge of the meal train.

and then there is the really big stuff. like your dad and i have decided that we are going to try to get you a little brother or sister. or two. or both. or whatever. we have these three frozen embryos just calling my name. i can;t wait to be pregnanct again. i am so excited to give birth. the baby stuff i try not to think about. but having another little toddler running around someday is just so exciting to me. so i have had doctor's appointments for check-ups and updating tests and stuff. and things to think about like do we transfer one or two embryos. and can i have my babies at home if there are two? so i have been on the phone with every midwife in the vicinity of south jersey trying to find someone who will say ok to a vbac at home with twins. finally, i found someone. so at least if we decide to go for two, i won't be the one closing the door on my homebirth. we aren't trying again right away and i think i will try to keep it to myself when we do, for a little while at least. but if i know me i won't be able to but for now i would like to say that i will.

so it's a lot. and it's kind of overwhelming. so for now i am taking a break from the social networking. i need to focus on getting some shit done.

not the best post, i know. but i am kind of in one of my hide from the world moods anyway, so it's the best i got.