i get so annoyed when people ask how i am feeling. they aren't asking the way they ask normal moms-to-be. they are asking with the implication that my response will provide some sort of reassurance that everything will be alright this time. i just want to tell them that i felt fucking great last time. actually, i felt even better than i have for much of this pregnancy. but obviously, that is no indicator of a successful 40 weeks. josh feels just as aggravated about that question, too. i am just waiting for the day that he blows up on someone. i just hope he chooses a good one to lose it on.
in actuality, i do feel great. i just wish people knew that just because i feel great, we are not out of the woods just yet. i don't want people to forget about cooper and just feel thankful that they don't have to console me any longer. i want them to remember what i've been through.
carrying this baby has been such a wonderful experience, even through all of the fear. i love knowing that there is a baby human growing in there. his dad has been reading to him at night, which is just the cutest sweetest thing. i massage my belly with oil and send messages to my little one. i talk to him all the time. we are already bonding, even though he is in that world and i am in this one. i am conscious of every thought and feeling. when i get stressed or angry or feel hate towards someone else, i apologize to the little guy and i explain that everything is ok.
i imagine gazing into his eyes at the moment of his birth. i am so excited to be his mommy in this world.
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