22 and 2

so today i am 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant. the last time i was 22 weeks and 2 days pregnant, i woke up with a whole different feeling. i had been to the OB the night before with a yeast infection complaint -- but also with some brown spotting. dr. white said it was just a really bad infection and that's why there was blood. i asked about having the same problem the month before and she said it was too bad for a one-night treatment and that i needed a 7-night one instead this time. i didn't believe her but i didn't trust myself, so i went home and inserted the suppository she had prescribed.

i woke up the next morning, january 31, 2008 and put on a panty liner as i knew from previous experiences with treating yeast infections that i would be leaking all day long. and that was what happened. all day long i was leaking. more than normal, but i didn't think it was a huge deal. i just kept changing pantie liners.

i was sitting in my wheelie chair at the front of my room, because i knew i was freaked out a little about something. i took it easy most of the day. the bell rang to end 6th period -- it was 1:26 PM. i felt a huge gush of fluid. i looked down to see that my pants were soaked. i ran to the restroom to see what the hell was going on. just clear fluid. what the hell was i thinking? how could i not have gone directly to the doctor? i haven't worn those pants at all this pregnancy. they were the grey ones i had gotten from gap maternity. i haven't even used that same stall in the restroom since then.

so what did i do? i went home. my 7th period is my free period. i went home. i changed my clothes. i threw the pants in the laundry. i went back to school to teach my last class. i did try to call the doc on my way home, but it was ringing and ringing so i just figured i would call after school. moron.

i went down to the cafeteria at the end of the day to see josh. he was getting ready to leave for a wrestling match in east-bumble-you-know-what. i cried when i told him what happened, but assured him that i was fine. the crazy thing is that i believed that.

i went home and freaked out on lexis (my sweet dog) who had pooped on the floor because she was so nervous about what was happening to me. i went into our storage closet and moved boxes around to get to her crate. i moved heavy shit after my water had broken. moron. i went to the bathroom and there was some blood on the toilet paper. i called the doc and they said, "come in right away". that's when i knew there was a problem. that's when i was convinced. i guess i had been in denial.

but honestly, i still thought everything would be ok.

i called my mom to take me to the doc. we sat in traffic. i was so nervous. she was, too, but she did a great job of trying to keep me calm. we got there and they took me right in. another sign that i was in real trouble.

dr. swift checked me out with an internal. she said she would be right back and when she returned she brought in the ultrasound machine. she looked and i saw little cooper in there moving around. to me, he looked ok and i was relieved. she sat me up and said, "ok. this has nothing to do with the medication you took yesterday. your water broke." and i said, "what does that mean?" i mean, i knew technically what it meant, but i wanted to know if my baby would be ok. and she said, "well, sometimes we can keep you pregnant for a long time. you need to go right to the hospital."

i ran out of the room with my shoes half on and yelled to my mom that we had to go to the hospital. i was crying and spazzing out. she asked "why? why?" and i yelled at her to just come on. the woman yelled for me to check out and i basically told her to fuck off. i forgot my jacket.

we got into the car and i called josh, who luckily for once had his cell on. i told him through my hysteria what had happened. he said, ok, i will be there. now remember, he was at a wrestling meet a half hour away and had taken a bus to get there. later i found out that he had one of the fathers drive him. he said that on their way out of the school, the man offered him congratulations and josh said, "no. this isn't good . she is only 22 weeks pregnant." apparently, they both then broke into a sprint.

back at the hospital, i was checked again internally by another doctor who said that first we had to hope that i would make it 24 hours without going into labor. then we would hope for a week. then every day after that would get him closer to viability. was this really happening? i remember telling him that the baby was head down and he said that was a good thing. still i was clueless and asked him why. he said, "in case we have to deliver." OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD.

i called nicole who rushed right over. josh's dad got there soon after. and then josh. he was crying and scared. i wasn't crying anymore. i was just scared.

they checked for contractions. nothing. they moved me to a room. i was convinced that i would be in the hospital for a long, long time. i was sure that the baby was not coming any time soon, and that once he did we would spend months in the NICU. i called my principal and told her that i might not be back at all that year. stupid girl.

that was how it went down for me at 22 weeks and 2 days.