04 June, 2009

cooper's due date

today is the day our first son was supposed to be born. right now we would have been planning a one-year-old birthday party. but instead, this morning, i was at the ATU bright and early at 7:20 AM to have my cervix measured.

we saw the baby boy again. it's amazing the difference two weeks can make.

it's also amazing the difference one year and four months can make. it was january 31and we had been to the doc for a follow-up U/S. i had been spotting. but no one seemed worried. the next day my water broke. and the day after that, cooper was born. nearly 18 weeks too soon.

so i am looking at this little baby on the screen. immediately i saw his heart beating. and i saw him just chillin' out in there. which he has never done for an U/S before. so i became secretly terrified. morbid thoughts began to race through my brain. why isn't he moving? what happened? what's wrong with him? is he dead?

and this was all in the course of about 20 seconds. while i could see his heart beating. oh, the insanity. fear is a powerful emotion.

so my cervix is still long. the placenta is not covering the cervix, but it is still low-lying. if it were in that position at the point of delivery, i would need a C. but it has 18 weeks to move and i am positive that it will go where it needs to go.

now the next decision is whether or not to have the fFN test done. fetal fibronectin is basically a glue that holds the baby in place. the fFN test can tell us either that i have a chance (30% or so) of going into labor within two weeks or that there is a 99.2% chance that i won't. so the question is, do i have this invasive test, which involves taking a swipe around and under the cervix, done in order to gain two weeks of peace of mind? because it could also cause me two weeks of terror. however, if it comes up positive, they would take every precaution they could to keep the little guy safe in my uterus. decisions decisions.

must be nice when the biggest decision is "what color should we paint the baby's room?"

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